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Don’t Keep That Same Energy. Get New Energy.

Stanford University recently released the results of a project studying police stops in 29 municipalities. The results reflected what most black and brown people knew instinctively; we are disproportionately targeted by the police.

This week we also saw the arrest of several prominent people, accused in a ring of bribery with the sole goal of obtaining admission to college for their children. The case involved falsifying transcripts, faking extracurricular activities, and cheating on SAT exams. Lots of people are caught up in this one. Most of them are white.

Here is the deal. We get stopped more often. Detained more often. Ticketed and arrested more often. Charged with more shit. We get more time for most offenses. We are more likely to bear the presumption of guilt until proven innocent. And the limited fiscal resources in our communities compound the issues we face when we are released or vindicated. That’s just in the criminal system.

For those of us below the poverty line, we are the reason for welfare reform despite the fact that the majority of the recipients are white. Somehow we are the face of the minute percentage of welfare fraud. Property values in our communities were legally suppressed through redlining, and have remained well below that of white communities since the process was outlawed. This devaluing of our property contributes the lower tax base that supports our schools with less money. In schools we are “disciplined” at 3 times the rate of our white counterparts. The measure of academic success is still based heavily on performance on biased standardized tests, resulting in larger achievement gaps that appear to prove that we are less than.

PWIs are the equivalent of another planet for many of our best students, resulting in unnecessary adversity due to the near universal requirement that we assimilate and become other to fit in. The speech, gait, and flavor of our youth is unacceptable inside the hallowed halls of higher education, unless we’ve got a ball or a microphone in our hand. Either that or you’re just an affirmative action admission, somehow making you less than.  Our safety is not guaranteed in towns that surround the campuses. They aren’t used to seeing people like us.

Maybe an HBCU is our choice to avoid the cultural insensitivity and blatant erasure. The struggles HBCUs exist in the form of underfunded programs and fewer resources compared to PWIs with those massive endowments. At least we are safe and nurtured and encouraged to be outstanding.

In our careers, we work three times as hard to get anywhere, and we are still perceived as other when we get there. Our seat in the room or at the table is constantly questioned. We are devalued and often relegated to diversity hires, as if being diverse is a bad thing and means you’d otherwise not measure up.

My point? When white people find themselves afoul of the law or using the system they created in the manner they intended and finding disdain in the public eye, I don’t want them to get the same treatment we get. I don’t want their sentences longer or fines bigger. I don’t want them to feel smaller or less than because of their color or background. I don’t wish our experience on anyone else.

I want compassion for everyone. I want reasonable penalties for wrong doing. I want real second chances without consequences that change the course of a lifetime. I want the misdeeds of one person to not continue to negatively impact generations over and over again. I want the opportunity of redemption for people who look like me. I’d prefer that we stop over accusing and penalizing any one. I want the playing field leveled, but at the level that is historically reserved for white people.

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Brush Your Shoulders Off

This is a great reminder for me. I know there are people who are on the cusp of doing something different and new and this will tip them over.

We come here free of baggage. Maybe there is truth to heredity of pain, or cellular imprints of trauma. It’s possible. But I know, most of my own baggage was learned in childhood. I learned that I can’t always trust someone’s I love you. I learned to expect struggle and difficulty. Don’t be too happy because the other shoe will drop. Life is hard and unfair. If you’re not busy you’re lazy. If you’re not tired all the time you’re doing something wrong. Life’s a bitch and then you die.

Of course my parents didn’t intend to teach me these things. But we learn by more than instruction, we learn by watching and hearing. We learn by example.

As an adult I’m doing something else. I’m reprogramming my brain. It’s ongoing work. I think about my goals and look closely at the beliefs that aren’t serving me. I have mantras I repeat to myself when the old conditioned beliefs pop up. When I encounter situations that appear to prove that old conditioning, I ask myself questions before I react. Usually I find the conditioning is faulty.

The hardest part of this work has been letting go. Letting go of beliefs that don’t work for me. Letting go of behavior that got me the opposite of what I wanted. Letting go of expectations of others and conditioned expectations of myself. Forgiving people who hurt me. Letting go of all that and just fucking breathing!

My teacher Sarah said something this morning that I know is true. People are just doing the best they know how. This thought helps me let go. Sometimes our best is harmful to others, or perpetuates a cycle of trauma. Sometimes our best means we are mediocre today. People are shitty and it usually has nothing to do with me. It’s not personal. When someone’s best isn’t good enough for me, I govern myself accordingly. I remove myself and move on with my life. I do not carry their shit. I let it go. Now that I know I have a choice, I choose my own joy and freedom.