Anger
Noun – an intense emotional state induced by displeasure.
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I am not an angry person. I’m silly. I’m irreverent. I have a dirty sense of humor. I like to call it bawdy. I’ve been called decisive. Direct. I can be both insensitive and sensitive depending on who I’m talking to and what the subject is. But I’m not usually angry.
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Recently I’ve been angrier than usual. It could be cancer related, covid related. Hell if I know. I’ve just been less patience with and more angered by intentional ignorance. Intolerance. Lack of empathy. These things are really pissing me off right now. So when I ranted yesterday about how stupid it is to keep othering people when we are all in this shitty soup together, I just accepted that I’d hit my limit. And fb got an earful. Well fine.
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Today I’m calmer. Today I know that the anger I felt overwhelmed by yesterday is two things. First, it’s justifiable and acceptable. I get to be mad sometimes. I don’t have to smile away all the idiotic things I’m seeing. Secondly, and probably most importantly, my anger informs where my passions lie. I’m not mad about things that aren’t important to me. I’m pretty level headed about things that infuriate everyone else, so I can trust my pissivity (new word alert) to accurately point an arrow toward an area where I should focus.
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I’m serious about helping ppl live their best lives. I’m committed to helping others find peace and joy and be better versions of themselves. This is the main reason I became a lawyer and eventually a yoga teacher. I know that what I am seeing in our country and in our world don’t lead us to where we want to be. Othering ppl isn’t really the way to happiness. Neither is hypocrisy, ignorance, or fear. Ultimately anger won’t do it either. Love will. My anger reminded me of that.
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I don’t take back anything I said in anger (this time). I’d actually push forward. I feel strongly about equality and justice. I hate that so many of us are so fearful, that we see slashing public assistance, over policing communities, or pushing a stalled economy during a pandemic as viable solutions to make our lives more convenient. We bully each other. We shit on other humans as if they aren’t made of the same flesh and blood. We treat everyone and every thing that doesn’t fit into our best little box as disposable. We disdain any belief that calls ours into question. That makes me angry.
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Here is what I know. My anger is warranted in the face of lies and hypocrisy. Truth is truth. I can’t combat your beliefs with my beliefs. I can’t fight ignorance with anger. I fight with truth. Over and over. Blue in the face right as rain truth. Period. My anger is not a weapon to be wielded on people who believe differently from me. That would make me just like them. No my anger is a signpost to my work. It’s like a gps for where I can put some fervent energy towards something I believe in. So that’s what I’m going to do.
