Categories
Uncategorized

Take It Down

Tonight the confederate monument was removed from the square in The City of Decatur.

We decided to drive by and watch. We all wore masks and the boys and I wore our new Let Us Breath tees.

As I stood there watching this massive phallic symbol of hatred and failure come down, I thought about my first year at The University of Georgia. Freshman year was a rude awakening. I moved from Southwest Atlanta to Athens, Georgia. In Southwest Atlanta, there were all types of black people. In Athens, most of the black adults I saw were janitorial staff. I went from having all black to teachers every year, to three black professors in four years. I went from being surrounded by people who looked like me, to having classes with hundreds of kids, none of whom looked like me.

Driving down the main drag in Athens in 1994, you’d find multiple cars with extra large confederate flags. They were flown from some of the houses on fraternity row. They were every where. Confederate flags weren’t a part of my education prior to Athens. They weren’t flown with any frequency during my childhood even though it was basically the state flag. I don’t recall seeing one outside of books though I’m sure my parents did.

Once a random frat boy struck up a conversation with me during a study group for one of my larger classes. It was polite chit chat until I noticed a the confederate flag on something in his possession. I can’t remember what. I asked him why he carried it. He told me story about heritage. About his great grand whomever who fought in the war of northern aggression. About how they were fighting for states’ rights and not to keep slavery. I asked him where he learned what he thought he knew. His family had a rich oral history and vaguely mentioned some books that documented the tales.

I recalled my words to him as I watched the crew lift the 34 foot high shaft and lower it to the truck that would cart it away. What I said in 1994 is still as true 26 years later. When you look at that flag you see your history, and I see mine too. I see a history of hatred and bigotry, glorified by white people who lost their cause. I told him that if he wanted to represent himself that way to every black person who met him, he should keep waving that flag. And despite his intentions, I would never see him any differently than I see that flag. As long as these monuments to honor the confederacy stand, I will never believe those defending them or calling for them to remain in place, are anything other than hateful bigot losers.

As much as I want many other things to happen for black lives in this country, I couldn’t help but feel hopeful tonight. Hopeful that maybe people would care more about who they are right now than constantly harkening back to a mythical past. Hopeful that finally, how we are being treated right now would be more important than a flag or a statue. We have a long way to go. This is a start.

Categories
Life Spectrum

I Want My Child To Be OK

I want my child to be ok.

I thought about this when he was first diagnosed with a condition that had no cure. If “curing” him is not possible, let’s shoot for quality of life.

I’m not certain, but I see this as a turning point for most parents. Do you want to fix your kid or do you accept what is and give him his best life? I chose the latter and it has made life better for my family.

I have at least one encounter every year that feels like slap in the face. It is the nature of parenting a child on the autism spectrum. It doesn’t feel good to be told what your child isn’t doing or to have their struggles in black and white, knowing that no intervention will completely alleviate those struggles. That is hard to swallow. I’ve met parents who are unwilling to accept it. If they make it to a diagnosis, they have unrealistic expectations of everyone, including their kid. Or if they don’t have a diagnosis they focus on obtaining one because their kid isn’t a perfect student. This obsession with exceptionality leads to a negative head space. It isn’t healthy and ultimately makes everything more difficult.

My advice is to accepting what is. Be ok with where you are right now and not constantly focused on getting somewhere else or wishing things were different. Of course I want him to develop all the skills he can. Yes. But he is a whole wonderful person as he is. He is a blessing. We will do the most to help him, but we will not ruin everything today trying to get to tomorrow. We will enjoy this moment. That means not ruling his schedule with an iron fist. That means allowing for days and weeks when school isn’t as intense as it could be. That means being ok with deviation from his IEP occasionally. It means vegging out on video games for a couple of hours sometimes. It means that people aren’t perfect and there has to be room for others to get things wrong sometimes. I’m wrong all the time. Why should anyone else be any different?

I am his advocate. I do not treat my advocacy like a war.

The way we approach his interventions is not adversarial. We are not looking to fight. We also aren’t asking for the world because we recognize that what we can do without will likely help another kid. We start every conversation with the assumption that everyone wants what is best for our kid.

I have no problem escalating an issue, I have no problem communicating my disagreement or challenging authority. I can stand up for my child any time it is necessary. We do what we must. But I do not believe in asking teachers or administrators to cure my child. To fix him. I do not ask expect them to be perfect. When I manage my expectations, I’m rarely disappointed. When I accept my child as he is, the urgency to dot every I and cross every T lessens, and our quality of life is better for it.

Categories
Justice

I Got Questions

OK – All my republican friends… How in the heck can you say with a straight face, that the federal government has no role in education? If there were no federal intervention into Georgia’s schools, we’d still be going to schools on separate sides of the tracks!!!!! The size of the federal government is directly related to the failure, ambivalence, down right unwillingness of several states to do the right thing!!! GTFOH!!!! Do the right thing without federal oversight and folks like me would get behind state control.